aica. My Dermoid Baby. 2011. Acrylic on Canvases. 2011, 20" x 80" (20 inch Round x 4)
Work Statement:
My right ovary developed a disease known as a Dermoid Ovarian cyst. Its only cure is through surgical removal, much like an unwanted baby.
When I saw my grown "Dermoid Baby" at the hospital through an Echocardiogram, I couldn't resist having tender feelings towards it. Being Japanese, it is my nature to empathize easily with inanimate objects.
My doctor warned me against the idea, but I couldn’t help feeling that this Dermoid cyst was my ill-fated baby.
This baby has been with me all these years, growing quietly inside. But he wasn't even allowed to see my face after the birth. He was sent straight to the lab, examined, then disposed.
I was dealing not only with pain from surgery, but now also emptiness in my vacated ovary…and in my heart.
He was far from a baby shape, but I wondered if he had hoped to be a complete baby someday. And I felt he was warmhearted, since he didn’t cause any damage to my ovary. For the first time in my life, I wanted to have a baby so that I could hold him in my arms.
This series of four paintings are a eulogy to my "Dermoid Baby."
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Technical Statement/Excerpt Explanation:
The ovary is the female reproductive organ that produces eggs through a process known as ovulation. Because of its constant cell division during ovulation, the ovary is prone to develop various types of tumors and cysts.
Most types of ovarian cysts are harmless and go away without any treatment. A Dermoid cyst in the ovaries does not go away.
In fact, it can grow large and become very painful. Left untreated, the cyst can twist, rupture, cause internal infection and can even cause cancer.
Dermoid cysts may also contain mature skin cells complete with hair follicles and sweat glands, sometimes clumps of hair, and also bone, nails, teeth, nerves and eyes.
The chances of a Dermoid cyst being malignant are statistically low, but when it is happening inside your own body, having the statistics on your side is little comfort. You cannot be absolutely sure if the cyst is malignant or benign until a biopsy is done after the surgery.
Waiting for the biopsy results was the most difficult and frightening mentally.
Ovarian cancer is known as the "Silent Killer" due to the difficulty of its early detection. So I start to wonder…. Did they detect something in me early enough? Will I be able to keep my ovaries? Do I have cancer?
The diagnoses and the procedural risks had me thinking about death and my own mortality. The human aspects of the Dermoid cyst along with me being Japanese and my nature to empathize with inanimate things had me thinking about the “life” of my Dermoid baby.
Sorrowful and warm; it is the juxtaposition of these feelings that gave birth to this series of paintings.
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Cultural Statement:
Japanese people grow up with the social convention to believe everything has a soul. At every opportunity, teachers and parents tell children to treat things with care because they have their own souls. Kids often give things a name, so that they can feel more intimate with the things they use everyday.
This belief is not only based on their social convention, but also stems form their religion, Shintoism. Shintoism, the original Japanese religion, is Polytheism much like Greek Mythology, and it teaches that everything contains god (or spirit). Its roots can be traced back to prehistoric era and its practices were first recorded and codified in the written historical records of the "Kojiki" and "Nihon Shoki" in the 8th century.
Countless Manga and Anime also surround Japanese from an early age. This imagery and heightened storytelling contributes to the tendency to easily empathize with fictional characters, a tendency that continues well into adulthood, and is not only a modern day phenomenon; the oldest Manga can be traced back to 12th century in Japan.
Today, the area of influence is far beyond Manga or Anime. The majority of food & drink packages have mascot characters. Even medical supply packages have their own characters in Japan.
Most every person in Japan knows about Osamu Tezuka, the father of Japanese Anime. He created a medical adventures manga called "Black Jack" in the 1970s. In it, there is a girl character called Pinoko, who was a teratoma (Dermoid Cyst is one form of teratoma) and was recreated as a complete human by the main character.
I loved Pinoko when I was a young girl and enjoyed reading "Black Jack."
I understand that Dermoid cyst is a disease, but being Japanese, I couldn't help but feel as if my Demoid cyts was a baby who couldn't be born into the world.
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Image Descriptions:
This series of four round canvases represents right Ovary, Uterus (right half), Uterus (left Half), and left Ovary. They also symbolize First Leaves, Buds, Flowers, Seeds, respectively.
In this painting, I draw "Dermoid Baby" based on the shape of an 8-week old embryo that lacks human features and is shaped like a fish. Animal-like ears on "Dermoid Baby" represent his "un-humanness."
About Paintings (from Left to Right):
Right Ovary: "Dermoid Baby" is forming its shape in Right Ovary and First leaves are growing and surrounding.
Uterus (right side): "Dermoid Baby" is watching me sleep. Grown first leaves surrounding uterus and some of them are becoming buds.
Uterus (left side): "Dermoid Baby" is pulling me into the uterus as he is coming out from my belly and trying to hold my hands. Flowers are blooming. Flowers are the symbol of life, but also represent the baby’s short life and that his is nearing death.
Left Ovary: My Left Ovary is holding me as I'm cradling "Dermoid Baby" in my arms, although I cannot actually touch him because of the amnion membrane. We are so close but will never physically touch. Flowers are withering away, but new seeds are developing. Signs of new life.
